funny quotes

I run on coffee, chaos, and poor decisions. ⎘

My phone battery dies faster than my motivation. ⎘

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing. ⎘

I speak fluent sarcasm. ⎘

My life feels like a test I didn’t study for. ⎘

I’m not weird, I’m limited edition. ⎘

I put the “pro” in procrastination. ⎘

I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me. ⎘

I didn’t choose the snack life, the snack life chose me. ⎘

I need a six-month break from reality. ⎘

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. ⎘

I’m not late, I’m just early for tomorrow. ⎘

I don’t trip, I do random gravity checks. ⎘

My brain has too many tabs open. ⎘

I woke up like this… tired. ⎘

I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome. ⎘

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time. ⎘

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, I eat it. ⎘

My bed and I have a special relationship—we are perfect for each other. ⎘

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. ⎘

I followed my heart… it led me to the fridge. ⎘

I need six months of vacation, twice a year. ⎘

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it didn’t take off. ⎘

I told my computer I needed a break, now it won’t stop sending me KitKat ads. ⎘

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode. ⎘